Share and Try Not to Care...Too Much

    I am pretty young to be thinking about having children, but let's face it, there's no way I'm not going to be a mother in the future. If there's one thing that comes naturally to me beside my immediate laughter to farting, it's my maternal instincts. I'm only 19 but I already know that it will be the most emotionally exhausting and ridiculously rewarding (yes alliteration!) job I'll ever have.      I've had a tough relationship with my self-esteem and body image ever since I can remember. It started at a young age and based on the society we live in today, I believe it will be hard for my daughter to avoid the same troubled mindset I have when it comes to her own body. Who knows if I'll actually have a daughter, but if I do, I want her to know that these are some of the things I hope for her throughout her life.   I hope she  won't  develop a resentful relationship toward food; specifically desserts I hope she  won't  feel compelled

      I am 19 years old and have never been in a serious relationship. I don't see this as a problem to be solved or a mystery to be uncovered, but just as a unique and occasionally bothersome fact about myself. More than anything though, being single has created a weird perspective in which I see the world of dating and romance. Let's explain, shall we?     I really don't even know where it begins—love and/or affection. I've never been the girl who has a bunch of guy friends, and even the ones I do have, any deeper feelings were never reciprocated. I know you're supposed to look for similar interests and activities, so it makes sense for me to find someone in the theatre department, right? Unfortunately, the theatre department is rather small and the guys are either taken, don't play for my team, or there's really not an attraction there. I'm surrounded by the same male species 90% of the time in my major classes. I also don't talk to anyone in my

    I've heard it time and time again, "Libby, you're too nice!" The phrase that makes me raise my eyebrows and uncomfortably chuckle, because the statement is usually thrown at me with the intent to say I'm doing something wrong. I'll admit, sometimes my kindness has me placing less value on myself and devoting more energy to keeping other people satisfied. It's not always a wise or healthy tendency, but I am a people-pleaser at heart and I don't think that will change any time soon.     What I don't understand, is why kindness is treated as such a rarity. I don't hesitate to say please or thank you. I don't think twice about holding open doors (ok, that's a lie—sometimes it's hard to gauge how far away is too far away for me to be standing forever holding a door for someone). Of course I will give you a ride if we're going to the same place. It's your birthday and we're close...well duh, I'm going to get you a

    We have in the BFA program a weekly meeting of sorts called "seminar." It's where we present the songs we've been working on in voice lessons to our peers. We're encouraged to offer constructive feedback and after one song my lovely friend Pauline made a comment saying, "I think you can be scared in more than one way." It was a simple suggestion of perspective, but considering it has stuck with me for a couple of months now, Pauline's words contained an important weight.     Fear has never been simple to me, as someone who has dealt with anxiety since as long as she can remember. My fear wouldn't let me sleep, be away from my mom, flip off a diving board, or make many friends. Then it refused to let me make mistakes, to make my own choices, or to accept what made me different. I'm 19 now, but fear still unfortunately plays a huge part in my life. It doesn't allow me to perform to the best of my abilities, to live my truth, or to reco

    My freshman year of college has gone by all too quickly, and I'm not sure how to feel about it. So instead, I asked other people how they felt! I went around to different acquaintances/friends, both from high school and at WIU, and asked them, "What's the one big lesson you'll take away from your first year of college?" I was fond of the various answers I received: Don't screw up your dorm room walls. Be open to the weirdness of new people. Don't pre-game too much before the party. Take time to chill between classes.  You don't have to be perfect yet. You're here to learn. Patience, my friend. Try not to rip your hair out. Patience...and caffeine. Don't be a whore, and specifically don't bring peanut butter your first week of school. Change is OK; that's what life is about. Open yourself up to different kinds of people. A university is the best place to find people who are like you and who you can have a great time with

Things people should say to each other more often You matter. Your body is not something to apologize for. If you're doing the best you can, then that's enough. Cry, just let it out. I won't judge you for pooping in the bathroom, we all do it. It's ok to be scared, I am too.  Thank you. I say this because I love you—stop doing stupid shit.  You are deserving of love and happiness. I am glad you're in my life. I will believe in you when you don't believe in yourself.  I'm sorry that I haven't always been there for you. Things I should say to myself more often I matter. My body is not something to apologize for. I'm doing the best I can, and that's enough. Cry, just let it out. Poop in the freaking bathroom, you're a human being. I am scared and I am not alone. Thank you. Stop doing stupid shit. I am deserving of love and happiness. I am glad to be alive. There are others who believe in me even when I don't.

I love people. At the core of my being, I am just the biggest people-person. Of course I enjoy grand gestures and interactions of recognition and love between me and another person, but sometimes the little things stick out more. Here are some examples: When people address me by name, whether it's in writing or dialogue People that hold doors open for others-I'm also impressed by my own friends that hold doors open for me When I come home from school and my dad has bought bananas for me (I'm the only one in my family that eats them) When my friends ask about my family and their well-being Anyone who gives me support before an audition People who applaud the victories of their acquaintances and friends, no matter how big or small People who know how to drop a subject when they can clearly see I'm uncomfortable talking about it If you recommend songs to me or make me a mix cd When my friends talk kindly of me to their other friends When my friends  don't

A ctors      I use my IMDB app more than I use my Weather app. I watch a lot of t.v. and movies. There's nothing more satisfying to me than to be able to shout, "Oh! He/She was in ____!" As much as I try to remind myself that actors and musicians are normal human beings like you and me, I tend to know more about them than I do my actual friends. I basically only follow celebrity accounts on Instagram and Twitter. B read     Outback Steakhouse, Red Lobster, Olive Garden, and Texas Roadhouse. All of these places have one thing in common: I gain ten pounds after eating at each. I love bread. At our holiday family dinners, I eat more dinner rolls than anyone else, and after ten, I still want more. Bread makes everything better. C ake      I swear I'm not just going to talk about my unhealthy food habits. But ever since I was little, my obsession with cake (especially frosting) was very evident. Birthdays make me giddy because I associate them with cake. I'm a

      College is extremely different from high school. For the most part, I have found those differences to be positive and refreshing. However, there are some things that have taken on a whole new meaning for me in college and I thought it would be cool to share them.       1. Friendship I adore all of my high school friends and still keep in touch with many of them. We have built lasting bonds over years of shared fun and memories. But in high school, it was go to class, go home, and maybe see my friends for the two hours we had similar schedules. I can't escape my friends here, which is actually a lovely lovely thing. It's such a treat to have buddies in practically all of my classes so I don't feel alone. I spend my weekends going to theater shows with them and eat dinner nearly every night with the same four people I genuinely love to catch up with. I even freaked out having my roommate gone for a week! When you fall asleep every night with a body in the lofted b

    I love to sit down and ask my friends random questions (which I usually find from the Internet) and the one that pops up all the time is, "What's something you wish you could tell your younger self?" Well, I mulled that over and came up with several somethings.   Your parents are the most important people in your world. Trust them, listen to them, and love them.  You won't make friends if you don't put yourself out there.  Even the popular kids aren't perfect. Stop thinking that they're living a more fulfilling life than you. Music will help, always. Keep all your family close to your heart; they won't be around forever. The kind of person you are is so much more important than the kind of body you have. Write anything and everything down; it will help you keep your shit together. Water is your friend. Drink A LOT of it. If you're skeptical about a clothing item, try it in a bigger size before buying it. Long warm showers will ma

My inner monologue is weird, comical, tragic, and I hope not entirely unique to me. As I wrote these down, I kept wondering if they were common amongst other teenagers. It's easy to assume that I struggle alone and in silence, but I decided to be vulnerable and share these to show anyone else who feels remotely close to how I do that they're not alone and it's OK to divulge a bit of your crazy now and then. <3   Major Anxieties Does God seriously have a plan for me? What if I live far away from my immediate family and only see them on holidays? What if I'm not close enough to my sister to be the kick-butt aunt I plan to be? Do I believe in soulmates or simply settling for someone I get along with? What if my best friends don't stay my best friends? Do I have any clue what I want to do with my life? Is my body the reason boys aren't interested in me? Will I let down all the people that believe in me more than I believe in myself? How will I functio