The Nice Dilemma

    I've heard it time and time again, "Libby, you're too nice!" The phrase that makes me raise my eyebrows and uncomfortably chuckle, because the statement is usually thrown at me with the intent to say I'm doing something wrong. I'll admit, sometimes my kindness has me placing less value on myself and devoting more energy to keeping other people satisfied. It's not always a wise or healthy tendency, but I am a people-pleaser at heart and I don't think that will change any time soon.

    What I don't understand, is why kindness is treated as such a rarity. I don't hesitate to say please or thank you. I don't think twice about holding open doors (ok, that's a lie—sometimes it's hard to gauge how far away is too far away for me to be standing forever holding a door for someone). Of course I will give you a ride if we're going to the same place. It's your birthday and we're close...well duh, I'm going to get you a gift. Being nice never feels like it requires tremendous effort on my part. My world is made a more enjoyable and rewarding one because of my benevolent demeanor. Let me start by first sharing this video of an interview with Steve Carell, which is just another reason for me to believe he's one of the best human beings out there https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jh9djS-e6W4. Go to 1:24:30 (almost end of video). "To say someone's nice...that shouldn't set anyone apart."    

     So I'm not writing this post in an attempt to say "I'm nicer than you, so you should think more about your attitude toward others." I'm writing this to say, "I'm nice, but I'm not ______." Shall we start the list?

1. Boring

2. Innocent

3. Oblivious

4. Trusting

5. More inclined to give up

6. Without my opinions

7. Calm, cool, and collected

8. Lenient  

9. Quiet
10. Incapable of reacting irrationally 

11. Secretly judgmental
12. Manipulative

     Just with any other characteristic, people can hear you're one thing and assume you're a multitude of others, too. The kindest people I know are yes, indeed kind. But because I've had the pleasure of getting to know them, I have discovered many other distinguishable traits that they harbor. Growing up, I was known as the "teacher's pet" and a "goody two shoes" and while I didn't think much of it, it did shape how other people approached me. My friends didn't want to tell me about any escapades of theirs because they thought I would look at them differently. This hurt my feelings because I never wanted them to feel like being connected to me meant they had to hold themselves to a certain moral standard. I was constantly told, "Boys are just intimidated by how nice you are." So guys are only going to be interested in me if I'm rude? It was (and still is) frustrating to feel like I was suffocating in this "box of nice" and that was the only thing others really noticed about me. My goodness was confusing to people and sometimes alienating for me. No one really expected anything more of me than to play by the rules.

      I am proud to say that my compassion is probably my strongest and most recognizable trait, but I never considered that it could hold me back. Isn't that funny how our greatest strengths can play a part in our weaknesses too? 
      Even though it's comforting to hear that people think I'm a sweet soul, believe me, I don't need to be reminded of it so much. Instead, I'd love to discuss my ability to obsessively watch far too many television shows or how I can eat a giant calzone in under 15 minutes. I mean, that really gets to the core of who I am.