Share and Try Not to Care...Too Much

I don’t know about you, but I get sucked into the world of comparison far more often than I’d like to admit. Growing up, I fantasized about beauty and popularity, assuming those who had that were living more meaningful, exciting lives. Now, at 22, I can tell you that makeup overwhelms me, I wear pajamas more than anything else, and I truly understand that friendship is about quality rather than quantity. As we develop our personalities and grow along our unique paths, we sort of naturally decide what matters to us and what doesn’t. Sometimes I get insecure about the fact that I’d rather stay in than go out drinking, or that there's no amount of money you could offer me to go skydiving. Theoretically, I should worry about getting old, but I really can’t wait to sit on my front porch in a rocking chair eating as much dessert as I damn well please🙌. We’re not all supposed to be interested in the same things; that’s what makes life and relationships so rich. Even though I wish I w...

     I was talking to someone recently about how post-grad life feels, and I tried to articulate how weird it is to know I won't be returning to school again in the fall. Something that has been so routine and dependable for more than a decade of my life has changed. I'm aware that there are ways school can become a staple in my life again, such as attending grad school or teaching, but for now I'm attempting to make peace with the unknown and uncover the excitement that can come from no predetermined obligations. My schedule is really mine to do what I want with; that's crazy!      Something else I expressed to this person is that while I may not be immersed in a schooling environment, I still like to describe myself as a student. I truly do love learning in its many forms, and I think if you shut yourself off from it once you leave a formal education setting then you're going to miss out on a lot of growing opportunities. Life itself is probably the ulti...

     I'm currently reading a book entitled The Anxiety Toolkit: Strategies for Fine-Tuning Your Mind and Moving Past Your Stuck Points . I probably should've started the summer reading it, but I think I was avoiding what painful truths the book might lead me to discover. That's exactly why I need to read it though, right! This makes me think of a quote in Lena Dunham's book Not That Kind of Girl that reads: "the most terrifying aspect of human health is our refusal to take steps to help ourselves and the fact that we are so often responsible for our own demise through lack of positive action. It makes me want to take a nap." The last blog post I wrote several months ago had such an uplifting tone to it, and I can reread it and recognize that those were my thoughts and words, but right now I feel so disconnected to its message. Ideally, I'd like to see consistent progress over time with my mental/emotional health, so it's definitely disappoi...

    I remember being an extremely impassioned kid. When I loved something, the people around me knew it. I went through a High School Musical phase wherein my bright pink bedspread showcased the title in all caps. Can't forget my  Camp Rock phase either. The soundtrack played on repeat in my room and I performed along with it, singing into my plastic microphone (that I definitely still own). I was infatuated with America's Next Top Model , which led me to writing my own Covergirl commercials and asking for my first pair of heels so I could walk down the living room in them as if I were on a runway. As a child, I was not afraid to get lost in my own fantastical world. I aspired to be a pop star, a real estate agent, a schoolteacher, and maybe even a stay-at-home mom. My dream jobs were endless really, because I was fascinated by all the possibilities. I am no longer fascinated by all the possibilities.       Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a huge ...

I remember reading on Twitter one day this summer, “self-awareness is a superpower.” I’ve been thinking about that a lot ever since. It’s been a very different summer for me being away from home and all of my familiar people, as well as doing theatre in a professional setting. That has made these past few months an ideal time for reflection and reorganization. I’m someone who tends to spend a lot of time alone, and it has helped me immensely in getting to know myself. I thought it'd be cool to share three personal moments from my summer that have reinforced my belief that growth is both a messy and beautiful struggle, but that being aware of it is the most important part.              Part of my internship this summer was understudying a lead role in a comedic play. I have understudied once before, but with this gig, we had a specific ‘Understudy Run’ so I knew I’d eventually be performing the show in its entirety...

Morning is here again, bright and new It intimidates me by always asking, what will you do? The options are endless, but c'mon, it's me Faithful to my protective patterns is what I tend to be The concept of time weighs on me, day after day Will there ever be enough of it, and when I'm running out will I know what to say? I'd like to move forward, go forth with ease But this year is important, so don't let it be over too soon, please I'm rarely present in the moments, they pass me by The more unpleasant ones stay with me which begs the question, why? I wish I'd prioritize gratitude over comparison, but it's tricky I try to shake anxiety and envy, but they're ever-growing within me   If it's up to me to  choose  happiness, to be full Then why do I convince myself it's out of my control?   Right and wrong, everyone has their own opinions I need to place more faith in  myself  when it comes to maki...

I made a list of summer goals for myself, which isn't new for me. However, what is new is the last goal I wrote: "Forgive myself when I fall short of my expectations." I wanted to keep that in mind because I have a tendency to assume that achieving my goals will result in the same happiness and success I see others experiencing. Now as I read that last sentence again I completely understand that it makes zero sense. It doesn't make sense because I'm talking about my  goals, which I'm certain look very different from my peers'. And it's imperative to remind myself that that's not a bad thing.     One of my last blog posts (https://libbycrawford4.blogspot.com/2017/12/may-i-recognize-my-progress.html) focused on how it's easy for me to not acknowledge the progress I've made as it relates to living with an anxiety disorder. Well, guess what? Anxiety rears its ugly head again when I turn to my future. I get that the journey of growth is (and sh...