It's not like I didn't know it was coming, but that doesn't mean I didn't try to push it and all the overwhelming thoughts that accompany it, away. The "it" I'm referring to is college.
As a little girl, OK even as a 17 year old, I run on a schedule. Lists, itineraries, and go-plans are some of my favorite things. They keep me prepared and aware of what's to come, and as someone who suffers from acute anxiety of the unknown, they're a welcome comfort. I can't pinpoint exactly why "going with the flow" scares me so much, but surely I've done it before. In fact, the majority of life's events do not run on a schedule and you can get used to a routine, but there's no guarantee it'll stay that way.While yes that's terrifying to me, I'll admit some of my best memories are from unexpected occurrences. You know if someone could grant me a wish to see the future, I'd probably take it in a heartbeat, but ultimately I believe that the beauty of life lies in its infinite possibilities. That's why I resent college.
They poke and prod about college in high school. Your teachers, counselors, sometimes even peers, express that to be the sole reason for attending high school, to get the ground work in for college. Which I understand, but also refute because not everyone goes to college. Or at least not right away. While that's not a route I could convince myself to follow, I do admire it. There's something enticing about educating yourself and growing as a human being by exploring your passions without a curriculum to abide by.
I just hate the pressure. I remember my school counselor looking at me like I ran over her cat when I told her I had no clue where I wanted to go for college. WHY IS IT SO SHOCKING?! I'm a teenager for goodness sake. My emotions and sense of self rotate more than the wheel on The Price is Right does each year. I make daily to-do lists, weekly plans, and monthly goals, but ask me to determine the course of my life for the next four years and I get so nervous that I may pull a Pitch Perfect and projectile vomit. Not a pretty sight, but neither is the vision I see of myself deciding a major, university, and new uncharted territory that I end up regretting in little to no time simply because I felt rushed by those around me.
It's not easy and I am incredibly jealous of any fellow senior who is set in stone and looking forward to their next journey, but then I have to remind myself: plans are not final. Rarely is anything in life definite and you can have as much faith as you want in your future, but none of us really know what's to come. What's also important to remember is that changing your mind isn't the end of the world. You're allowed to make discoveries and if you happen to discover that you'd rather be in a different position, there's no failure in that.
I do know that at some point I'll need to select where my college career will lead me and what it will consist of, but until then the best thing I can do is breathe. Over-thinking and over-analyzing don't do anything but supply more doubt. Keep your spirits high, but your feet planted on the ground. Listen to your heart and not the conflicting noise surrounding you. Because that's all it is, it's "noise" that doesn't know you like you do. The opinions and views that matter most are your own. Trust in your choices that should be made in regards to your happiness, not in an attempt to please those who put ownership on your future. It's all yours; handle with care.
As a little girl, OK even as a 17 year old, I run on a schedule. Lists, itineraries, and go-plans are some of my favorite things. They keep me prepared and aware of what's to come, and as someone who suffers from acute anxiety of the unknown, they're a welcome comfort. I can't pinpoint exactly why "going with the flow" scares me so much, but surely I've done it before. In fact, the majority of life's events do not run on a schedule and you can get used to a routine, but there's no guarantee it'll stay that way.While yes that's terrifying to me, I'll admit some of my best memories are from unexpected occurrences. You know if someone could grant me a wish to see the future, I'd probably take it in a heartbeat, but ultimately I believe that the beauty of life lies in its infinite possibilities. That's why I resent college.
They poke and prod about college in high school. Your teachers, counselors, sometimes even peers, express that to be the sole reason for attending high school, to get the ground work in for college. Which I understand, but also refute because not everyone goes to college. Or at least not right away. While that's not a route I could convince myself to follow, I do admire it. There's something enticing about educating yourself and growing as a human being by exploring your passions without a curriculum to abide by.
I just hate the pressure. I remember my school counselor looking at me like I ran over her cat when I told her I had no clue where I wanted to go for college. WHY IS IT SO SHOCKING?! I'm a teenager for goodness sake. My emotions and sense of self rotate more than the wheel on The Price is Right does each year. I make daily to-do lists, weekly plans, and monthly goals, but ask me to determine the course of my life for the next four years and I get so nervous that I may pull a Pitch Perfect and projectile vomit. Not a pretty sight, but neither is the vision I see of myself deciding a major, university, and new uncharted territory that I end up regretting in little to no time simply because I felt rushed by those around me.
It's not easy and I am incredibly jealous of any fellow senior who is set in stone and looking forward to their next journey, but then I have to remind myself: plans are not final. Rarely is anything in life definite and you can have as much faith as you want in your future, but none of us really know what's to come. What's also important to remember is that changing your mind isn't the end of the world. You're allowed to make discoveries and if you happen to discover that you'd rather be in a different position, there's no failure in that.
I do know that at some point I'll need to select where my college career will lead me and what it will consist of, but until then the best thing I can do is breathe. Over-thinking and over-analyzing don't do anything but supply more doubt. Keep your spirits high, but your feet planted on the ground. Listen to your heart and not the conflicting noise surrounding you. Because that's all it is, it's "noise" that doesn't know you like you do. The opinions and views that matter most are your own. Trust in your choices that should be made in regards to your happiness, not in an attempt to please those who put ownership on your future. It's all yours; handle with care.
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