My last blog post centered on how I have a tendency to compare in my life and how that affects my self-esteem and makes me feel isolated from my peers. Well, it's not always a comfortable place to be, but I've actually learned a lot about myself in isolation. As we get older, I think it's important that we keep changing and growing, and try not to constantly judge ourselves along the way. I often struggle with the questions "who am I?" and "what do I want?" They're not easy questions to answer, especially if we're lying to ourselves to fit the acceptable mold that surrounds us. The weight of who I feel like I'm supposed to be sometimes feels so heavy that I'd rather lie in bed watching The Office forever so I don't have to confront my fear of not being good enough. But I know that's not what I'm meant to do. I'm working to look at my life for what it is and recognize that comparing is only robbing me of my authenticity, which I should actually be embracing. So, let's get real and unapologetic.
BODY
My size has been an ongoing insecurity of mine since intermediate school. According to most ideal weight charts I should be about 35 lbs. lighter than I am. Would I like to lose that much weight? Hell yeah. However, I guarantee you most people who look at me would tell me I don't need to. I'm always shocked by what people are willing to believe about themselves when the message they're receiving from society is that they're "not right." I frequently used to tell myself that losing a substantial amount of weight would magically fix all my other "problems," but that was a foolish and dangerous mindset to have. Significant weight loss would require some big changes from me, and I'm going to be honest, I'm not in a place mentally or emotionally where I can fully commit to that. I am all for being active and treating one's body well with a balanced diet, but I have no desire to spend three hours in a gym every day or to stop eating bread and chocolate.
I consider myself a healthy person even though the world deems my muffin top shameful. It's taken me a long time to figure out what healthy means to me, and me alone. My mission is to feel good in my own imperfect skin and stop allowing my weight to correlate to what I do and don't deserve. I refuse to repeatedly scold myself over ice cream (Ben & Jerry's Peanut Butter Fudge Core is where it's at, and absolutely, I eat the whole pint in one sitting) or a missed workout. I can't let my life become that kind of debilitating battle. I also don't want to fall apart about my weight, because I think it's crucial that more girls who look like me, girls who aren't extremely toned or skinny, embody the positive message that we are not and should not be defined by our size.
*Wore a two-piece swimsuit for the first time this summer in I don't even know how many years. YOUR BIKINI BODY IS READY WHENEVER YOU DAMN WELL WANT IT TO BE READY!
LIFESTYLE
One of my biggest fears is that I am an extremely boring person. I cringe as I'm typing this, because I have let myself deeply believe that that's true and it's somewhat embarrassing to declare.
When college students look forward to partying on the weekends, I'm excited about the pockets of free time I'll find to read a good book. I rarely go to the bars, but when I do, I profusely say "excuse me" as I'm navigating my way through the crowd, which is apparently not a thing people do. College students seem to be awake at the wee hours of the morning doing work or hanging out, but nine times out of ten, you will find me in bed before midnight on school nights. I also hate napping. I have this annoying need to be productive, which means that I love to-do lists and operating on a schedule.
The majority of the people I follow on Instagram and Twitter are celebrities. I'm still trying to figure out if that makes me obsessive and/or anti-social...probably both. I pride myself on being a good student, therefore late and/or missing assignments are not in my vocabulary. I love being indoors; activities that require me to be around bugs, dirt, or the harsh UV rays are entirely unappealing to me.
Do I sound boring yet? I do have lovely, exciting, adventurous friends who are different from me and whom I've shared wonderful experiences with that forced me out of my shell, and I'm grateful for that. But I'm a picky person and I think I'm always going to be. As the years have gone by, I've discovered what I find meaningful and what resonates with me. It rarely matches the norm, but I don't have the time or energy to pretend to be cool, so I think I'm stuck with being Libby, and I'm starting to be OK with that.
WOMANHOOD
I am a firm believer in the motto "Be your own kind of beautiful," because I know so many amazing women in my life that I each consider beautiful for various reasons. Sometimes it's hard for me to grasp that I can fall under that umbrella too. We often interpret beauty as external appearance and let me tell you, I never understand what I'm doing with makeup when I put it on. My favorite way to style my hair is to shower, put curling gel in it, and then let it air dry. I'm insecure about my nose, the permanent dark circles under my eyes, how much I sweat, and the fact that I seem to be the only young adult woman who detests thongs and would much rather have panty lines while wearing sensible freakin' underwear. I have zero sense of fashion; I wish I could live my whole life in pajamas.
It's very easy for women to get caught up in what the media portrays as beautiful or trendy, and it's even easier for us to observe other women that we consider prettier, hotter, more beautiful than us as a standard we're supposed to measure up to. I AM SO TIRED OF FEELING THAT WAY. Lena Dunham has a line in her awesome book Not That Kind of Girl that reads, "I'd like that. Or I'd like to like that." A short, but straightforward thought that spoke volumes to me, because I so often as a woman feel pressured to be interested in or moved by things that I'm simply not.
It would be absolutely unbearable if all women were the same, and I reject the belief that our differences have to make us envious or judgmental of one another. There's so much empowerment to be found in celebrating your individual quirks and then recognizing other women's gifts without discrediting your own. Here are some things that I think make me beautiful:
- I love reading autobiographies of strong, intelligent, and passionate women
- I smile and laugh often
- I have discovered a sense of independence as an adult that
I was afraid would never come
- I aim to be kind and respectful to everyone I encounter
What really makes women beautiful is their ability to be who they are, honestly and confidently. Women have to endure a lot of shit and I think it's crazy important that we are there for each other to sincerely say, "You do you, girl." Womanhood should never be perceived as a competition. Empathy and understanding should be the foundation of our bond. So shout from the rooftops what makes you beautiful, and let your fellow woman know that it's OK for her to do the same.
*Forever obsessed with this gif. LIFT EACH OTHER UP, ALWAYS. <3
Low self-esteem issues afflict us all and I wish I found the process of loving myself to be an easier one, but alas, I will keep fighting the good fight. Let us embrace all our "wrongness" and come out on the other side feeling braver for ignoring the voices in our head that tell us who and what we're supposed to be.
BODY
My size has been an ongoing insecurity of mine since intermediate school. According to most ideal weight charts I should be about 35 lbs. lighter than I am. Would I like to lose that much weight? Hell yeah. However, I guarantee you most people who look at me would tell me I don't need to. I'm always shocked by what people are willing to believe about themselves when the message they're receiving from society is that they're "not right." I frequently used to tell myself that losing a substantial amount of weight would magically fix all my other "problems," but that was a foolish and dangerous mindset to have. Significant weight loss would require some big changes from me, and I'm going to be honest, I'm not in a place mentally or emotionally where I can fully commit to that. I am all for being active and treating one's body well with a balanced diet, but I have no desire to spend three hours in a gym every day or to stop eating bread and chocolate.
I consider myself a healthy person even though the world deems my muffin top shameful. It's taken me a long time to figure out what healthy means to me, and me alone. My mission is to feel good in my own imperfect skin and stop allowing my weight to correlate to what I do and don't deserve. I refuse to repeatedly scold myself over ice cream (Ben & Jerry's Peanut Butter Fudge Core is where it's at, and absolutely, I eat the whole pint in one sitting) or a missed workout. I can't let my life become that kind of debilitating battle. I also don't want to fall apart about my weight, because I think it's crucial that more girls who look like me, girls who aren't extremely toned or skinny, embody the positive message that we are not and should not be defined by our size.
LIFESTYLE
One of my biggest fears is that I am an extremely boring person. I cringe as I'm typing this, because I have let myself deeply believe that that's true and it's somewhat embarrassing to declare.
When college students look forward to partying on the weekends, I'm excited about the pockets of free time I'll find to read a good book. I rarely go to the bars, but when I do, I profusely say "excuse me" as I'm navigating my way through the crowd, which is apparently not a thing people do. College students seem to be awake at the wee hours of the morning doing work or hanging out, but nine times out of ten, you will find me in bed before midnight on school nights. I also hate napping. I have this annoying need to be productive, which means that I love to-do lists and operating on a schedule.
The majority of the people I follow on Instagram and Twitter are celebrities. I'm still trying to figure out if that makes me obsessive and/or anti-social...probably both. I pride myself on being a good student, therefore late and/or missing assignments are not in my vocabulary. I love being indoors; activities that require me to be around bugs, dirt, or the harsh UV rays are entirely unappealing to me.
Do I sound boring yet? I do have lovely, exciting, adventurous friends who are different from me and whom I've shared wonderful experiences with that forced me out of my shell, and I'm grateful for that. But I'm a picky person and I think I'm always going to be. As the years have gone by, I've discovered what I find meaningful and what resonates with me. It rarely matches the norm, but I don't have the time or energy to pretend to be cool, so I think I'm stuck with being Libby, and I'm starting to be OK with that.
WOMANHOOD
I am a firm believer in the motto "Be your own kind of beautiful," because I know so many amazing women in my life that I each consider beautiful for various reasons. Sometimes it's hard for me to grasp that I can fall under that umbrella too. We often interpret beauty as external appearance and let me tell you, I never understand what I'm doing with makeup when I put it on. My favorite way to style my hair is to shower, put curling gel in it, and then let it air dry. I'm insecure about my nose, the permanent dark circles under my eyes, how much I sweat, and the fact that I seem to be the only young adult woman who detests thongs and would much rather have panty lines while wearing sensible freakin' underwear. I have zero sense of fashion; I wish I could live my whole life in pajamas.
It's very easy for women to get caught up in what the media portrays as beautiful or trendy, and it's even easier for us to observe other women that we consider prettier, hotter, more beautiful than us as a standard we're supposed to measure up to. I AM SO TIRED OF FEELING THAT WAY. Lena Dunham has a line in her awesome book Not That Kind of Girl that reads, "I'd like that. Or I'd like to like that." A short, but straightforward thought that spoke volumes to me, because I so often as a woman feel pressured to be interested in or moved by things that I'm simply not.
It would be absolutely unbearable if all women were the same, and I reject the belief that our differences have to make us envious or judgmental of one another. There's so much empowerment to be found in celebrating your individual quirks and then recognizing other women's gifts without discrediting your own. Here are some things that I think make me beautiful:
- I love reading autobiographies of strong, intelligent, and passionate women
- I smile and laugh often
- I have discovered a sense of independence as an adult that
I was afraid would never come
- I aim to be kind and respectful to everyone I encounter
What really makes women beautiful is their ability to be who they are, honestly and confidently. Women have to endure a lot of shit and I think it's crazy important that we are there for each other to sincerely say, "You do you, girl." Womanhood should never be perceived as a competition. Empathy and understanding should be the foundation of our bond. So shout from the rooftops what makes you beautiful, and let your fellow woman know that it's OK for her to do the same.
Low self-esteem issues afflict us all and I wish I found the process of loving myself to be an easier one, but alas, I will keep fighting the good fight. Let us embrace all our "wrongness" and come out on the other side feeling braver for ignoring the voices in our head that tell us who and what we're supposed to be.
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