When I was younger being cool was always my aim; my version of cool that is. Currently I don't see a need to be cool, but I do try a lot of the time to be composed. Let's face it, I've never been very good at that either.
I grew up with social anxiety so even the shortest of conversations were torture to me. Thankfully, I really enjoy talking to people now and small talk doesn't scare me in the slightest. Well, that's partially a lie. Small talk with people I don't find intimidating is easy. Discussing myself, the weather, plans for the weekend, my education, and/or the rest of my life with old people, boys, teachers, or anyone I feel wouldn't hesitate to judge me, yeah that's a little cringe-worthy. For some reason when I'm put into those situation my mind goes blank so I appear to be an idiotic fumbling mess. Who wouldn't want to come across as such?
I can't express how many times I've deserved a face palm for my lack of poise. I think I'm one of those people who desperately wants to be thought of as charming and make a memorable impression. With that in mind however, I usually screw up and forget anything and everything about anything and everything. Apparently people can still manage to love me with my painful quirkiness; which gets me thinking...why should awkward have a negative connotation?
Although I detest awkwardness on myself, I find it incredibly endearing on others. I'm much more attracted to and at ease around a guy who has some shyness accompanying an intriguing personality. When I hear the word "awkward" I'm reminded of two things in particular; one being the TV show AWKWARD. I was hooked after the very first episode. The main character is this normal girl who just happens to draw too much attention to herself by accident. She isn't necessarily awkward herself, but awkward situations seem to follow her. Even when she's surrounded by all that craziness, she comes out stronger and with a renewed sense of self more times than not. So I always love how AWKWARD puts this plain but unique girl and shows how she can be someone worthy of greatness. The second thing that comes to mind is the choral piece the men sang at All State the year I was accepted. It was called "The Roof" and it was gorgeous, but there was a particular line that stood out to me:
"Be confusing, be stunning, be awkward."
It caught me off guard when I first heard it, because it's this mesmerizing song that encourages one to be awkward. It was truly proof of the beauty in being less than perfect.
So if you deem yourself awkward, great! You're not alone. ;) Sure it's impressive when someone is the whole package void of flaws and insecurities; but how likely is that? It took me a long time to recognize that not always being calm and collected exposes layers to me as a human being which makes me interesting--
I grew up with social anxiety so even the shortest of conversations were torture to me. Thankfully, I really enjoy talking to people now and small talk doesn't scare me in the slightest. Well, that's partially a lie. Small talk with people I don't find intimidating is easy. Discussing myself, the weather, plans for the weekend, my education, and/or the rest of my life with old people, boys, teachers, or anyone I feel wouldn't hesitate to judge me, yeah that's a little cringe-worthy. For some reason when I'm put into those situation my mind goes blank so I appear to be an idiotic fumbling mess. Who wouldn't want to come across as such?
I can't express how many times I've deserved a face palm for my lack of poise. I think I'm one of those people who desperately wants to be thought of as charming and make a memorable impression. With that in mind however, I usually screw up and forget anything and everything about anything and everything. Apparently people can still manage to love me with my painful quirkiness; which gets me thinking...why should awkward have a negative connotation?
Although I detest awkwardness on myself, I find it incredibly endearing on others. I'm much more attracted to and at ease around a guy who has some shyness accompanying an intriguing personality. When I hear the word "awkward" I'm reminded of two things in particular; one being the TV show AWKWARD. I was hooked after the very first episode. The main character is this normal girl who just happens to draw too much attention to herself by accident. She isn't necessarily awkward herself, but awkward situations seem to follow her. Even when she's surrounded by all that craziness, she comes out stronger and with a renewed sense of self more times than not. So I always love how AWKWARD puts this plain but unique girl and shows how she can be someone worthy of greatness. The second thing that comes to mind is the choral piece the men sang at All State the year I was accepted. It was called "The Roof" and it was gorgeous, but there was a particular line that stood out to me:
"Be confusing, be stunning, be awkward."
It caught me off guard when I first heard it, because it's this mesmerizing song that encourages one to be awkward. It was truly proof of the beauty in being less than perfect.
So if you deem yourself awkward, great! You're not alone. ;) Sure it's impressive when someone is the whole package void of flaws and insecurities; but how likely is that? It took me a long time to recognize that not always being calm and collected exposes layers to me as a human being which makes me interesting--
not an embarrassment. Besides, I'll have entertaining stories to tell my husband and kids someday, and then I'll be thankful for my special touch of awkward.
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